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One Side: Beth

Sometimes I'm recorded while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her social media – it’s like a sudden shock.

My best friend of 10 years, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a short while, but it strains our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything constantly. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. It's unpleasant when strangers see her posing or filming – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but she is trying to be. She makes video blogs about living in our city, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. Sometimes I'm captured while dining, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her feed afterwards, and it pops up like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or be captured mid-bite. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. The dynamic feels like our bond has transformed into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She could easily hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. When I brought up my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of industry functions, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she's insincere or dishonest, but at times I feel that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that makes us look good for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also desire to enjoy it without being recorded, edited, or shared for an audience. I’m not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Defence: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the content we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your passions. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Content creation is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, sharing them with an audience that values the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my method of sharing opportunities, giving her a opportunity to experience exclusive moments that could benefit her career in design too. That’s not blackmail, it's simply being realistic.

I would take her to these events even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can achieve: a foot in the door. I know not everyone likes being on camera, but often unplanned moments is what makes content authentic. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal videographer, but friends support one another in small ways. I thought recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to participate in anything, and I’d never deliberately humiliate her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I document our time together.

I cherish Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid making videos to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before filming, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly making content is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I want her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a friend film you. I get that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Perhaps she can find like-minded creators to create content with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for help every time, even if they have done it before. While she enjoys creating, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor her friend's privacy.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life publicly, but it’s not for everyone. It was kind she has helped Beth’s career, but she needs to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the priority in your friendship. Create some real memories, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. Even public figures who seem to share their worlds actually have more privacy than it seems.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be neither present nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution lies not in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined limits around what feels acceptable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

Consider this question: has she been exploiting their friendship?